also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
