I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
