I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
