hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
