this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
