You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
