I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
