so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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