If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
