yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
