I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
