Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Two words: blizzard sex
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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