nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
