Please, let me fuck your mom
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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