I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
