I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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