I have demons in me.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
