I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
