Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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