There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
