just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
