By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
