I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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