I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
