Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize