I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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