thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
