I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
