Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
