You're so nebulous sometimes
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
