My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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