You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just found a bag of teeth...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
