Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm just crazy horny about you
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
