Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
