i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
