i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
