i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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