hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize