How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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