omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize