I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just sent this text using only my big toe
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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