The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
