We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
