He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
