I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
