he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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