Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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