If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
