Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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