My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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