Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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