just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
