I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
