you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
