i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
