Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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