I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
