Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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