i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
