it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
