Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
