thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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