Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
