I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
