hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
